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Sharks, Guns and My Run for the White House by Jimmy Tingle – 9/3/2013

As some of you may know I ran for president in 2012 on the “Humor for Humanity” platform- “humor and helping, humor and healing, humor and hope, – Ha, Ha, Ha.”

It was that refrain the masses would chant at my rallies, fist pumping their dreams to the sky, “Ha! Ha! Ha!”

My response was a familiar “Yes you can!”

Despite the visionary wisdom of my proposals – “windmills on traffic lights to power the lights, if the wind doesn’t blow you don’t have to stop”- the media didn’t take my campaign seriously.

Last August however a man was attacked by a great white shark in Truro Mass and suffered a shark bite to the foot.

His story was headline news in virtually every media outlet in New England.  He was actually on Good Morning America! He got a book deal!

I am changing my strategy for 2016. No more innovative energy proposals for the Tingle campaign.

In June of 2016 I am going down to Marconi beach Eastham, Mass with an inner tube and a bucket of blood. I’ll be floating 50 feet off shore with a “Tingle in 2016” t-shirt and a “please bite me” yard sign. I really need the exposure!

I am assuming of course Sharks can read.

Yet by the way the fear of sharks has permeated our collective conscious this year you would think great white sharks can read, walk, talk, run, drive, commit voter fraud and fly a plane into a building.

This summer at least one beach on Cape Cod had a sign in the parking lot bearing the image of a great white shark with the words:

Great White Sharks live in these waters!”  Oh Great! Enjoy yourself.

There is on average ONE fatal shark attack a year in the entire world.

Do we really need warning signs at the beaches?

People kill between, 65 million and 265 million sharks a year, just to make soup.  Maybe sharks should have warning signs about us?

Billboards on the bottom of the sea with pictures of boats “WARNING: Avoid the Coast, People are Fishing.”

There has been one fatal shark attack over the last 12 years in the United Sates, yet in 2011 there were over 31,000 gun related deaths in the country.

Maybe we should have warning signs at American airports for people arriving from other countries as they go through customs:

“WARNING: The US is a nation of 350 million people and 300 million guns. Approximately 100,000 people are shot per year. Enjoy yourself!”

 

 

 

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